Today, I would like to talk with you about the power of keeping a personal journal. Now wait a second, wipe that”Been there done that” look off of your face. The type of journaling that I’m about to suggest isn’t your granny’s diary, nor is it a boring log of every morsel you’ve ingested within the past 48 hours. No, this journal is about documenting our emotional dark-side! Together, we’ll discuss the thrill of keeping a “Dark-side” personal journal.
Oh, I can feel some of you Sparkers recoiling in terror, thinking “Oh, but I don’t have a dark-side! I’m one of the most cheerful and friendly people that I know!” Well, cheerfulness does not mean the absence of dark desires lurking in ones psyche. Are you still convinced that you’re the picture of angelic compassion and pure intentions? Perhaps, a game of “Questions and Answers” will humble your stance:
Have You Ever:
note: answer “yes” or “no”
- Disliked someone
- Felt jealous of someone
- Envied someone
- Lied to someone
- Hurt someone (and secretly, felt they deserved it)
- Plotted revenge
- Fantasized about being the envy of others
- Wanted a higher position of power
- Sought gain by ruthless means (lied to get a promotion, hinted at firing someone, stolen)
- Ignored someone’s opinion, feeling that only you could be “right” about the subject
- Gotten angry (but pretended to be okay)
If you have uttered a single “yes”, or even if you had to wonder to long about your answer, then you do in fact have a dark-side. Now, I’m not saying that you’re an evil person—I believe that all humans possess at least a small shard of good. But, admitting that you have a dark-side is not a stab at your morality, values, and/or purity! Its simply acknowledging that you have some inner issues, which you may be ashamed of admitting.
Now, “Shame” is a keyword in this journaling experience. You see, unlike emotional issues caused by everyday circumstance (stress), shame is one of those things that “sticks with you” even on your best days. Its like the incurable disease of hidden emotions, because even when it shows no symptoms, its still lurking in the recesses of your mind. Shame can cause you to overeat even on a low-stress day, because it is something that becomes part of your lifestyle. Many of us are living in shame, but do not even realize it.
One person’s “shame” is another person’s “tactfulness” though, so lets talk about the difference between the two. During an argument, tact instructs you on how to put your feelings in the least hurtful (though truthful) way. Whereas, shame will instruct you to not say much of anything, out of feeling guilty for thinking such negative (hurtful, evil, resentful, or even violent) thoughts about your loved one. Interestingly, much like tact, shame has a way of making you feel that by not saying “anything”, you’ve in fact, done the right thing. But is that true?
Some of you are most likely quoting Thumper (from the Disney film “Bambi”) in your head right now, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” But, I can bet you that in the real world, Thumper would have been setting himself up for emotional eating. You see, if you keep quiet about your dark-side, it has a way of “eating” through you. Which as I bet you can guess, may cause you to overeat in hopes of suppressing your shameful feelings. But the truth is, you will never be able to silence the rumbling stomach of shame.
So, how do you stop yourself from turning into the Cookie Monster? The answer is a bit disrespectful to Thumper, but I think he’ll forgive our ernest attempt at a healthy relationship with food. The answer to grabbing shame by its “grabby little hands” and clunking it over the head with success is this: Keep a dark-side journal!
So, how do I go about this dark-side journal?
Simple, all you’ll need is a notebook (or private blog program) and 5-30 minutes per day.
What do I write in it?
All of your dark thoughts, and the shameful things that you feel bad for thinking. For example:
“I would love to slap my boss the next time he interrupts me”
“I think my friends are all stupid, each and everyone of them!”
“Someday, I would like to be the envy of the world”
“I hate being fat, sometimes I wish I could just cut the fat off”
“I have Britney Spear’s, she is such a little witch”
Are these things mean? yes. Are these things wrong to say to someone’s face? in my opinion, yes. But, if these things are inside of you, get them out of you! The same way they would damage the emotions of a friend, they are damaging your own opinions about yourself. You see, by thinking these thoughts (even if we try to ignore them) a part of ourselves judges and is disappointed in us. Judging and disappointed are not #1 on the list of “Loving Actions Toward Ourselves”, so use your dark-side book.
What If someone finds it?
Ah, good question! Obviously, you do not want for your “dark thoughts” to hurt your loved ones. So, here are a few suggestions for keeping your “dark secrets”, as true hidden secrets.
Tips To Keep Your Journal Private:
1. Use a private blog journal (double check the settings to make sure everything is private)
2. Use fake names/cartoon characters names to identify loved ones:
ex: “So, Bugs Bunny was up to his old tricks again.” Bugs Bunny could be a name for someone you’re dating, who seems to dangle marriage in your face like a carrot! you get the idea.
3. Write your entries in a program like “Office” or “Word”, and simply opt out of saving the entry once you write it all out. You know the “would you like to save changes” question that word processing programs ask? Well, your dark entries could be your special time to select “no” or “delete”.
I’ve been keeping a dark-side journal, and its working wonders for me! Not only do I feel cleaner emotionally (negative thoughts are toxic), but I also feel less dark feelings. The reduction in dark emotions is a great reason to express them. The more dark emotions you write about, the less dark emotions that will reside inside of you.
I hope this helps someone!
Krissy
